This topic is being posted by request - but, let me share my story first. My story is short and sweet - I don't have any issues in this area. So what is the issue for other? Friends and family members of your spouse believing the hype that all Americans walk around with swollen pockets and bank accounts. With this misinformation in mind, some family members and friends do not hesitate to contact the US spouse asking for money.
Lets be fair and real on this issue - from an economic perspective life in the US is far better than life in Ghana for many people. However, for anyone who has never been to Ghana get the images you see on tv out of your head. Ghana is great country with several well developed cities in addition to beautiful rural areas - but there are some obvious economically deprived areas and people - just like the US. Somebody once asked me if people had cars in Ghana - others were surprised to see how well people were dressed in my pictures. The truth is there are major misunderstandings of life in both countries from both sides. Let's look at the US.
When considering the financial health of an American don't start with their annually stated income - start with their expenses. The streets are not paved in gold, but, all of the streets are paved - and that cost money - translation: taxes. With the exception of inclement weather conditions we very rarely have power surges or shut downs on our water supply - that is if you keep up your monthly utility bills. To get a better idea of how American's spend their cash, click on the link at the end of my comment. The point I want to make is that don't confuse our ability to fly to Ghana (the highest amount I paid for a ticket is $1,500) and spend money while we are there as an indication of how we live our lives. Yes, some folks here just got it like that. Most of the folks I know who have gone to Ghana took some time to save the money or borrowed the money or added to their monthly expenses by charging the whole trip which reduced the amount of available cash when they returned. There are a tremendous amount of conveniences in the US - but, we pay for it - it doesn't just happen. There is term we use in the states - "living paycheck to paycheck or check to check" - that means when we get our paycheck it is already gone before we can cash it. Sometimes it is gone by two paychecks ahead. The bottom line is everything has a price - you can't live a nice life in the US without paying a nice price.
I continue to hear stories of the US spouse being tapped for cash that sometimes they just can't provide but feel guilty because the request is from a member or friend of your new spouse and often times the need sounds very serious. It is not my place to tell you what to do with your personal situation. However, if it were me I would involve my husband to manage this situation. I know my husband would be majorly pissed off if he found out that one of his friends or member of his family bypassed him and contacted me directly with a financial need. He maybe in Ghana, but, he is the man of our household and we are partners. He is also very protective over his wife and his life. So, if I was in a position to give anyone advice on this situation I would say tell the person who is requesting money to contact your Ghanaian spouse. Then you only have to discuss the issue with your spouse. If your spouse is like mine - if he feels someone is trying to take advantage of you he will nip it in the bud with the quickness!
I am writing this while watching Joyce Meyers - she just got finished talking about the favorable condition to be able to help others. She says that we should help others financially as well as in other ways - but you should be wise and not give it all away - that is not what is expected of us. She says that it is good for us to sometimes be inconvenienced for the benefit of others - but we have to be ok to say no at times. Hmmmm.
If you are having a problem in this area help us to better understand what is happening and/or share any solutions you may have for others. Would love to hear from the Ghanaian community on this topic.
http://www.creditloan.com/infographics/how-the-average-consumer-spends-their-paycheck/
Very good post. You have broke it down. Its very true that alot of people have a view that all people in Africa live uncivilized. I did not think people were swinging in trees, but I imagined more country like than what it was The first time I visited myself, I did not expect to see nice clubs, banks everywhere, nice cars, nice homes etc. When I went on my first trip to Ghana a coworker ask me was I gone to go in the jungle? LOL! I see more animals in Maryland than I saw in Ghana! HaHa.
ReplyDeleteFar as the money thing my fiance has only ask me for money once and he gave back to me. He was so uncomfortable asking. Even the expenses for the whole visa process he has paid for them. My only expense was my tickets to Ghana and spending money while in Ghana. My fiance is a no nonsense guy and definitely would not let his family use me. If I was in a situation I would be upfront and tell him the truth. I would not be acting like Im a baller and have money to give away. I told my fiance what it is like here. Majority of people live on credit. we buy our homes and cars on credit and make monthly payments. I explained the importance of credit and paying your bills. He know it all and there are no surprises on how we operate here in the U.S.
Please is their anyone reading this post as of 08/08/2012. If you've been married or currently still married to a Ghanian man.. Please email me at merayfarso@yahoo.com I don't know whatelse to do.All of these stories I've read are so true and more.
ReplyDeleteI am currently engaged to a Ghanaian man. This is both our second marriage, his by death and mine by divorce. We are in the visa process. I went to Ghana in November 2010 through December 2010 and I had a great time. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and during this time I have come to know alot about him, his personality, his ways and his family. I am a talker so I tell him everything even things he does not want to know...lol. It is working with us and now he is at the point where he does the same thing. We talk about things that even causes disagreements between the both of us. But one thing I know is that in our very few disagreements we never go to sleep upset with each other. We always solve all disagreements before we go to sleep for the night. I treat my fiance like he is here already so for most decisions that I make I consult him. He does the same even as far as discipline for our children. If he is upset I talk to the children there and if I am upset he talks to the children here. We try our best to involve each other in all aspects of each others lives. With expenses we have done a budget showing the income and all monthly expenses. Then we see how much we will have for date night. We have discussed possible companies and job opportunities for him when he gets here. We have discussed a budget for if it takes him a year to find a job what we are willing to sacrifice. I have even discussed how mean I am when I am going through pre-menstrual syndrome...lol. I know how stubborn he is when he knows he is right. We have learned how to talk to each other to calm a situation down. We pray together and I told him that it is important for us to keep God first in our marriage and friendship. With God's blessing I am hoping our marriage will be a success and that we can continue talking everything out with level heads. I definitely don't want to fail the second time I want this to last forever.
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