So I am starting this topic now and I am at a loss for identifying that one thing I want him to understand about me. Ok - I got it! I want him to really know how afraid I am of possibly not being all that he sees in me as a wife. I have talked about how separation has made us stronger, but, there is still the reality of what we haven't faced or learned about each other due to this lengthy separation. I want him to always be as proud of me tomorrow as he is today. I want him to understand how important it is to me that he always look at me with nothing less than pride. Because of this fear I feel under a lot of pressure to fulfill the different roles I have to fulfill as his wife.
Just the other day I was asking him how he felt about how I dressed - what pleases him, what makes him proud in my appearance. Let me say that this is important to me and to him because of his religion. It is not our plan for me to convert to his religion. However, out of respect for him and his family I want to meet him half way, or more, by not presenting myself in a manner that would appear disrespectful in to his family and friends. He is pretty cool in this respect. He doesn't expect me to dress as a Muslim woman would dress, but, we have agreed to somethings as it relates to what I reveal on my body. His requests were quite reasonable. What was really interesting was that he discussed several different images that would make him happy. I don't see the necessity to go into detail with his comments. However, these images made me realize the many roles a woman must play as a wife. I even said to him that there is a lot expected of a wife - he agreed. What he didn't know was that the fear of being a successful wife just went up several notches!
I work in the wonderful world of "corporate America". Like many women who have found their careers in that very interesting world, in order to be successful I have to come strong on my job - translation - tapping into my masculine side! Now as a wife, when I come home, I am going to have to find a way to turn that off as I journey home through rush hour traffic!! This ain't an easy feat - I know, because this is my second marriage and I didn't do so well mastering this transition back then. I am more confident in my ability to make the transition, but, some days when I come home from a day of meeting the needs of so many on my job I don't want to think about anybody's needs but my own. I don't even want to talk - just want a nice glass of red wine to shut out the day!! But I am a wife now!!!! Maybe if I take a longer route home it will give me more time to do the transition thing.
I am praying that my baby will be patient with me as I make it through this transition. Baby - are you listening, do you hear me? Out of love for you - Your wife is scared!!
Ok I am not as great a writer as you... but here goes I would like my husband to know how much I want to know what he is thinking about us, life, this transition and our future... Thing is he is more the silent type (like my sister's husband. I have heard it said that you chose a man that is like your father but I have found a great man like my brother-in -law). When we were chatting today I asked him what was on his mind, what he was thinking. His answer was nothing that he does not keep anything in his mind. It is hard and I am trying to be mindful of his upbringing and his way of life. But I want to be open with him and want the same from him. I know how important communication can be in a marriage and I just want the best marriage for him and I.
ReplyDeleteYour husband reminds me of my husband - the "silent type". One of the many things I have learned about my husband is that he means what he says - if he says he isn't thinking about anything that is exactly what he means. LOL! I had to make some adjustments earlier on in my relationship - to trust and believe that what he says is what he means and stop looking for something different. Another perspective was to stop looking for him to be like me or my girlfriends when we communicate. From my perspective I feel our conversations improved tremendously once I stopped trying to predict what he was going to say or assume there was more to say beyond what he has said - I have not yet perfected this one, but, I know I have come a long way. The exciting thing is that once I relaxed my expectations he seemed to say more things - or could it be that he was always saying things but my prejudgment was keeping me from hearing what he was actually saying. Hmmmmmmmm!
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It must be a Ghanaian thing... my husband doesn't think like I do either, he often says he thinking of nothing. They have this great way of just leaving his mind blank. He gets passed things easily and understands most everything. And just lets it all go when the conversation is done and there are so many times I have asked him what you thinking? or What you been thinking about? He most of the time says nothing, or he says he been thinking of me...just remembering every moment together. Got to love that about him. But wish I could just let my mind go blank and not worry and think so much...LOL
ReplyDeleteSo glad it is not just me... thanks Sugar Baby for the reply... I will try not to expect or "think" that he is thinking more than he says. I am so use to guys in the States hiding so much from me and trying to NOT get hurt I put those walls up and am too cautious sometimes... or maybe all the time... One thing I love about Ghana is that life seems to be so simple (as in cut and dry). I have to remember that there are so many differeces in Ghana and the USA. I know my husand loves me he shows me all the time. Now I just have to trust in that and keep the walls down!
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