Ghanaian Men Enslaved by American Wives?

Sisters, did you know that there is a rumor going around Ghana that we are treating our Ghanaian husbands as slaves? Before you get pissed off, lets explore the situation.

I have already made sure my husband knows when he gets here that I will be expecting him to share in the management of our household which includes cooking, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen, straightening up the living room and guest room, vacuuming, dusting, washing dishes, washing floors, washing clothes, ironing clothes, folding clothes, organizing, changing light bulbs, taking out the trash, paying bills, coordinating the routine car maintenance, possibly painting walls, hanging pictures, grocery shopping and whatever else I forgot to mention. If we had a yard his work would also involve maintenance of the yard, snow removal, and raking leaves. Just in case he didn't fully understand what his role would be, I made sure that he understood that in the US if someone is unemployed (which he will probably be for a month or more) they are responsible for managing the home while the other spouse works. When both spouses are working, we figure out how to share the responsibilities based on each others work schedule.

Am I the only one who has had this conversation or even considered having this conversation with their husband or fiance? Doesn't this list sound like a job description?

Ok sisters - we have all visited Ghana. Question - from what you observed while there, who was responsible for these household tasks in Ghana? What roles did you see men play in Ghana versus women versus paid domestic help?

Keeping it real, I want to believe that most of us would not really expect our husbands to do all the things listed above just because they are not working - but, keeping it real, we will expect some of it to be done. Ibrahim's response to me when I told him what I expected him to contribute to the housework was that he planned to do what can to help manage our household. He said he knows things are different in the US as it relates to the role men play in managing the household.  (He's so brave and he definitely knows what to say to keep me from arguing with him. LOL!)

Now I know he is capable of doing everything on the list - might need a little training in a few of the times. But, what are we really talking about here? Is the issue whether or not they can do or will do it? No - neither one is the issue. The issue is what are they accustomed to doing. More specifically, are the things we may be expecting them to do counter to the role they have been conditioned to believe men play in a home? Only you can answer that question after discussing it with your husband. I'm not talking about giving them an excuse to not contribute at a fair level towards the management of the home. I'm talking about understanding the cultural transition we may be expecting them to just do without hesitation or question because it makes sense to us and it is what we do in the US - please don't say: but they are in the US now and not Ghana!

Here's another point - if they have never performed some of the household tasks you are expecting them to assist you with, how can you expect them to perform it to your liking without you teaching them what to do? Example - If you have never seen your husband use a microwave, don't assume he knows to not put aluminum or other metallic food containers in the micro-wave. You already know how wise and smart your man is - but, just like you - he doesn't know everything. Whatever you do, don't treat or talk to him like he is a child! Be patient and gradually introduce him to the various tasks around the house. Don't expect him to clean as you clean or to initiate the cleaning of the things you know should be cleaned. Find out which tasks he might be more comfortable doing than others. Talk about these things before he gets here. When he arrives, be patient by allowing him some space to get the "lay of the land". Don't expect him to spend his transition time cleaning the home everyday. I know if I were Ghanaian man who just arrived to the states and I am immediately hit with a long list of chores and responsibilities that I may not have had in Ghana, I would probably feel like a slave too! I hope Ibrahim hasn't changed his mind about coming to America - I think I need to rethink my conversation I had with him about what I expect.

Here's a perspective for my brothers - listen to my typical week day. I am up around 6 or 6:30 (sometimes earlier) and I am off to work anywhere between 7:30 - 8:30. My time in the office can last anywhere from 8- 10 (sometimes 12) hours per day. Sometimes I bring more work home to be completed during the night or early morning hours. You can believe that when I get home from work, I am not thinking about doing a lot or any housework - sometimes that includes cooking. I am tired as a slave who was working in the field all day under the hot sun - wait a minute, that's a bit of a stretch! Just know that after working a day as I described does not leave much energy for a night of housework. Guess what, when Ibrahim starts working and going to school his days will probably be as long - if not longer than my days. We are going to need to collaborate on a plan for maintaining the household.  As I should not expect you to perform as full time maid you can't expect to leave it all up to me. Most of us don't use maid service - far more expensive in the US than Ghana. Remember, by the time you get here, some of us will be quite financially broke after supporting the visa process, visiting Ghana, and paying for all those long distance calls. Most of us don't have our momma's living with nor are our momma's expecting to come to our home to cook and clean for us.

I did a little searching on the net for websites that might be helpful in the process of planning and learning how to manage a household. Check them out:


http://www.money-zine.com/Financial-Planning/Debt-Consolidation/Household-Budget-Basics/

http://cleaning.lovetoknow.com/Weekly_Checklist_for_House_Cleaning

http://www.wikihow.com/Cut-the-Grass

http://www.ehow.com/housekeeping/


In closing I say take the shackles off your man and create a collaborative partnership! Holla!