This blog is focused on sharing experiences, starting with mine, on the relationship challenges associated with a spouse or fiance immigrating to the US along with the interesting process of developing and sustaining an inter-cultural relationship. I am the US citizen and my inter-cultural relationship is with a Ghanaian man - so most of the discussion involves similar relationships. However, the blog is open to hearing experiences of any relationship that is relevant to the topics posted.

Send topic suggestions to me at visajourneyghana@gmail.com.

Learning to follow God's lead!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Looking for tips on preparing for husband's arrival

I received a request for this post. One of our sisters wants to hear what others have done or are doing to prepare for the arrival of their husband or fiance. Here's what she said:

"I know everybody is excited about seeing their husbands and seeing an end to the visa process. But what I want to know is for those who have only seen their husband on a few visits after connecting online what are you doing to prepare yourself for someone who sort of is a stranger to move into your home? Suppose there are children involved? Suppose you have never been married? What are you going to do if he can't get a job for a long time? I know I took a big chance meeting a strange man in another country. I feel like I know him well but in many ways he is still a stranger."

Let's see what ideas and thoughts are out there.
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5 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 7, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    I have never been married so the idea of living with someone after living alone for a long time is a little scary! Not really scary.LOL! I am actually looking forward to having someone around. However, I fear that it may be a challenge. I fear that I may get a little annoyed after a while. So, my only way to prepare is to pray and communicate my thoughts with my fiance. We have talk about this and he know my concerns and has agreed to give me space or whatever I need to adjust to the new living arrangement. I really cant think of no other way to go about this. I kinda think it is a trail and error thing that I will have to adjust as needed. I think for me its gone to be a work in progress. I thought about marriage counseling as a way to help me and him. I have not told him about that part yet though :-)

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  2. Sugar BabyMarch 7, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Sheree - have you seen the movie Fireproof? I have heard and researched a lot about this movie and the accompanying support program. A friend gifted my husband and I with the movie and journal. I have not yet seen the movie because I am waiting for my husband to watch it with me. Let me suggest you check it out because it is something you and your soon to be husband can do together. Here's the website: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/

    I suggested and asked my husband awhile ago if he would consider doing a few counseling sessions with me when he gets here. He said he would be willing to participate. I thought it would be a good idea to have an objective party help us to begin thinking about a number of important issues we have yet to consider. I am thinking counseling makes a lot of sense before you have a problem.

    I am right there with your fiance's suggestion idea of giving you space. I have been married before and one of many things I am taking away from that marriage is the importance for a married couple to retain some individual identity. I think, when possible, both should have a space of their own in their joint abode. Even if the space is very small, it might be just enough to keep balance in the relationship.

    I am going to be taking notes from you as you making through the transition. Thank you for sharing!

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  3. KTMarch 10, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    I'm so excited to live together! We lived together well in Senegal, but I am worried about our transition to life in the US together. Until the fall, we are going to live with my parents. I'll be entering grad school then, so we are trying to save as much money as possible. I think its going to be weird for me and my parents, but not for him-- his brother and his family live with his parents. We'll just all have lots of adjusting.

    And! Great news for us. His visa was approved after SO LONG. He will be arriving March 18th!!

    I'll let you know how everything goes.

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  4. Sugar BabyMarch 11, 2011 at 3:21 AM

    First and foremost CONGRATULATIONS! If you don't mind, today I am going to bask in your glory!

    Regarding your transition, if I could make a suggestion I would say to be sure he has a well defined role and set of responsibilities in the household. Also, until he is able to begin working, introduce him to various opportunities he might consider getting involved in outside of the home. Don't push - it has to be his choice. Hopefully, you guys have already begun discussing these things and ideas have already been flowing.

    I am keeping you and your husband in prayer. Please keep us posted - love hearing the good news!

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  5. Sugar BabyMarch 14, 2011 at 3:33 AM

    The following is a quote from a website that was suggested to me and I want to share with all:

    Dear Lord, thank You for my husband and our marriage. Reveal to me anything I need to leave behind, so I can be united to my husband. Help us to find compromises and new traditions to cement us together as a family. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

    Please check out the discussion about marriage on this page: http://devotions.proverbs31.org/

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