Ok - let me first say that I am better on this issue today then I was when we first met in 2008, maybe even better than I was a week ago. I am a work in progress. Here's my screwed up issue - I hate admitting it, but, I know I am not the only one:
I am a little older than my husband, just a little I swear! I'm still kind of cute to look at, pleasingly plump in a sort of sexy way ( I like that description). Now my husband is just a little younger than me - ok a lot younger - I said it! He is a very attractive man and he can be quite charming. Bottom line is that I know there will be a lot of sisters (I'm not just talking about the less attractive one) in the US who will find my husband as worth taking a second look at. That's nice and all that - but, I know how some of these sisters are in the US - just like the men, they will not hesitate to disrespect you and go after your man!
I have had this discussion with my husband a few times - basically sharing my concerns on how he will handle these multi-national and cultured beautiful women in the US going after my husband. Well the first thing he said to me was that there are beautiful women in Ghana too and he can handle it. I told him that I know there are beautiful women in Ghana - but Ghana don't have all the flavors of women that you will find in the US. I told him early in our relationship that I thought he might just loose his mind when he sees all the varieties in the US - especially when they start coming after him. Of course he thought I had lost my mind - he was right and still is. But what can I say - I have got to get a handle on this crazy notion of mine before I do something stupid and screw up my great marriage! Dagnabit! I mean I have already envisioned my normally peaceful self walking around town with my husband watching all the women and daring them to have a second look at my husband while checking to see who he is staring at under his sunglasses!
This is some crazy frakanakle bull - I am hating on a sister I haven't even met or have I? Forgive me, I slipped for a second. LOL!
Seriously, I feel stronger now because my husband has done his part to let me know who I am to him and I trust him and I trust God. But, just in case I have a flashback moment, I am looking for advice from others and wondering if I am the only cougar, I mean sister, who has had this concern at one time.
Talk to me people...
Ok I feel you. My husband has not been here long. We went shopping in a department store an when we returned he asked what it meant when a woman kept winking at him. I told him she is interested. He then said that is what he thought. He did not however understand why this woman kept smiling and winking at him when she was with a man and she could clearly see his ring and that he was with me. He felt insulted and asked why would she do this. I told him that was nothing compared to what some would do. Keep in mind he has not been here even a month.... Hmmm I have my Glock cocked and ready....for those t$%^Ps
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I am talking about! Trying2b - I am ready to go to the range with you! I need to pray.
ReplyDeleteUltimately it comes down to trust! As long as we know our men love us and if they truly do love us then they will not even give a moments thought to other women. There are inconsiderate jealous people in the world that want what they can't have.
ReplyDeleteI am jealous of other women there in Ghana that I don't even know and I can only imagine I will be jealous of women here once he gets here to be with me. I saw a picture of my husband sitting with a group of 4 or 5 male friends and 1 woman (mind you the woman happen to be sitting next to my husband). I of course wanted to know who she was right away... but honestly does it matter he loves me the way I am. I on the other hand do not like my outer being so I am insecure when it comes to other women and my man. This is MY problem NOT his problem. He does nothing to make me ever question his love for me, in fact just the fact that he loves me makes me want to love myself all the more and make my outer being match what greatness that is inside!
We all just want to be loved and in the end not get hurt. We build walls to protect ourselves in an attempt to not get hurt. We have to love ourselves and in the end we only have control over our own actions and our own lives!
To lonely1:
ReplyDeleteYour words are wise and on point. I hate this occasional insecurity crap that comes up when I have loving, attentive, supportive husband who has never given me a reason to doubt or question him. Those are the words I am going to take with me whenever I am with him or without him.
For real people, I am not as jealous or crazy as I sound. But to those sneaky little heffas who might think they can get my man you need to know that crazy will be in my hip pocket whenever she feels a need to keep you straight! Just as I will not allow a man to think he can get next to me and disrespect my man and my marriage I will not hesitate to step to a sister (in a ladylike manner of course) who obviously is ignoring me and trying to attract my husband.
I'm a lover not a fighter - but, I do have a good right hook! Holla
I tell you this long distance relationships can get to you. The mind can play tricks on you. I went through a little insecurity phase. Always wondering what he up to, but the majority of the time he is always home, waiting on me by his computer when he was not at school. For a hot second I was a little jealous of this one chick that always had a comment on his page about something. She was one of his classmates. I called her his #1 supporter! Anything he posted she liked! LOL! Then I step back and realize I have male friends and most of the comments the girl made were complimetnts of our pictures. So, Yes, I agree it all about you and the trust you have in your relationship. I am good now and he has did everything to make me feel secure in our relationship. BTW- I am a lttle older than he is as well :-) I guess I am a baby cougar! LOL!
ReplyDeleteHow easily we can mess up a good thing because of our little insecurities. I did the silly girl thing because of something on fb once (maybe twice) also. When you look back and look at it with clarity as you did you feel rather silly. You are so right about your perspective - look at your life and see if there is anything innocent that someone could make into a fantasy story of betrayal. I have grown so much in my relationship with Ibrahim. He has been true to all he said he would be to me and that is what I am holding on to. I am Cougar here me purrrrrrr!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you girls.... Have told my husband about those kind of women here already and he says I have his heart and his eyes are always on me. Nothing anyone can say or do will change that, and I believe him.... But if he was any less of a Christian or a man from the states, and not who he is...NOT sure I would trust it....But because of who he is and how we met and the bond we share I trust and believe all that he has said. Take in my friends, this man has made alot of promises and commitments to me and has never gone back on his word not one time.... not even over something small or stupid... So I trust him fully...But as for the girls here...........no trust in them....I'm also a Cougar and they don't want to see my claws!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIn conversations with several wives whose husbands have made it to the US, thank God, they gave another perspective for us to think about. There may be some interesting sites in Ghana, but, in the US they are going to see sites that they may have never seen on a regular basis in Ghana. I remember one sister telling me how surprised her husband was to see how African American women accentuated their bodacious behinds - so many of them. Another man told me he was amazed at the shape of the women especially those with big hips (that's me). We know that we still get surprised to see how our fellow Americans practice their freedoms in the US. I think we are going to have be very careful and patient with how we respond to their wondering eyes because they may be wondering just out of pure curiosity. I hope some of them are reading this post so that they understand how a wondering eye could cause a little confusion in your relationship with an American woman. Remember it is not about who is right and who is wrong - it is about understanding each other. With that being stated - the warning to the US sisters and any other sisters will remain. Don't step to our men!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness.... I really thought I was the only one who felt this way and trust me.... It has caused many problems in our marriage. I'm jealous and insecure and I know it. My husband always reassures me there is nothing to worry about but yeah...we all know how the ladies here can be when they want something!!! I am hopefully getting better about this, staying off his facebook and myspace now so I am not infuriated by his "new" female friends and daily telling myself he is with me and loves me. But still there is still this little part of me that gets in the way sometimes.... Im quite a bit older, my husband is gorgeous and I am not a super model... LOL!!! I bet you can all relate. But I know where he sleeps and I'm trying to rest assured that his love is for me only....
ReplyDeleteYeah, we all need to chill it with our jealousy when it is not real. But, I don't understand why a married man needs to make new friends with females online. If I were you I would confront him on this one. Men from Ghana stay online way too much chatting with other women. I don't like it and won't tolerate it in my relationship. Ghana men are known to be cheaters in their marriage. Wish you blog on that topic.
ReplyDeleteWow the thing is that a real woman doesn't have to act so pressed that she is winking at a man who is with his wife!!!Some females are desperate and downright devious. So, the real issue is that your husband has to be able the lame dames that will come at him with such desperation!!
ReplyDeleteAnd unfortunately, it's not just the sistas that are doing it, either. But, I know for myself when my husband gets here I am not going to live my life constantly on guard. I am going to hope and pray that God is truly the center of his life. None of us are perfect, but at the same time the devious dames are lacking a common moral fiber. Karma is a trip! And what goes around comes back to you. Keep that 3rd eye open sis and the rest will follow....blessed
Alot of men cheat....right here in the states. It's not fair to stereotype a whole group of people. Cheating is not specific to any one group. On any given day there is some man or woman cheating in the U.S. And what's done in the dark always comes out in the light. People can hide things for a while, but eventually their cards get placed on the table.
ReplyDeleteok sisters, from a male prospective here i go... first of all, talking with your man once about it, and discussing this issue is a great thing. talking twice maybe ok, but going on 3 , 4 , 5 times about it.. i would really step back and ask yourself this, if i keep showing my insecurities to him, what is he going to think. ''well i keep telling her, i wont cheat on her, but she keeps pressing the issue. so i might as well go ahead and sleep with this gorgeous girl.. b/c she dont trust me anyway.'' it happens like this unfortunately. heres the thing ladies, it sounds like most of us here are christians, no matter what, we have God on our side. yes it would be so devastating to have a spouse cheat, but He will always be with us, and it is Him who we are trying to please for a place in eternity with Him. you gotta stop it girls, all we see on tv, is cheating husbands, all these shows, we are being fed by the media that it is a norm, and it is ok. well obviously its not ok, it ruins families. do any of you see my point, or am i a rambling man :P
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