My passion and life mission is being a part of any effort focused on helping women to live in their passion. Right now, I have a strong interest in what is happening with the women empowerment movement in Ghana. I found this wonderful article on that topic that says it all. I hope you enjoy and will share your comments as well.
http://blogs.myjoyonline.com/sms/2011/03/24/kwaku-sakyi-addo-empowering-the-21st-century-woman-to-transform-her-community/
"Be bold! Be free! Be strong! Be beautiful! Believe!" ~ Kwaku Sakyi-Addo
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Recipe Swap!
Looking for tips and recipes on meals that our Ghanaian husbands might enjoy. I do plan on learning how to prepare the recipes he eats in Ghana. But how about some other recipes you have found out your man enjoys? I think my husband will enjoy some Caribbean and possibly Mexican. Personally, I love Indian and Mediterranean recipes - I am thinking those will also work for him. I definitely plan on grilling up some grub - I know he will enjoy it as much as I do.
Talk to me my sisters or brothers.
Talk to me my sisters or brothers.
Monday, March 21, 2011
God Bless the Child or Children
Considering the fact that my children are probably as old as or older than some of the people who read my blog, the issue of bringing a family together that includes children of one the spouses is not an issue I have to really deal with. Sort of not deal with. I know that my two grown babies and my husband will need to find their way in a relationship unique to them, but, I can't imagine the possible challenges that may have existed if they were younger. I don't really know for sure how involved Ghanaian parents are with their children beyond the strong discipline level that was quite evident and impressive - reminded me of my childhood when children were seen and not heard. When children didn't participate in "grown folk" conversations. Ibrahim and I have had some discussions about the possibility of us bringing a young child into our marriage and I have share with him what parent life is like in the US. Just remembering those days when my grown babies were kids brings back both memories of joy and a lot of tired bones - my bones! Here's a view of how my life was when my babies were really babies.
With their Father
My kids were fortunate through the first half of their childhood because they had the benefit of both a mom and dad living at home with them. Still - life was very hectic! Their father's job was as busy and time consuming as mine was and still is. It was not unusual for either of us to work past an 8 hour day, sometimes bringing work home, and maybe working on the weekends. I would say on average, per year, we both worked 50 hours or more a week - and we were not paid for overtime hours! Oh yeah - almost forgot, we had two kids to take care of during our long 100 hours of work each week. I am going to talk about life past the diapers and milk years - that time period is a novel all to itself.
Once they were both in school our mornings started out with me getting up first and preparing breakfast for the kids. Then the kids got up and I would make sure they were washed (they bathed at night - thank God) and dressed. While I combed my daughter's hair, their father prepared lunch and made sure book bags were ready. Somewhere in between getting them ready we found time to bathe ourselves, brush our teeth, and get dressed - maybe eat breakfast. At that time we only had one car so everybody piled into the one car and all the drop offs were made. We had to put the kids into after school care program because neither of us could leave work early enough to pick them up when school was over. Now after school care didn't play - you better get there before the end of the care period usually around 5:30 or you were going to be pay extra for every 5 minutes you were late. Twice a week one of them had an additional activity after 5:30 - karate class or Girl Scouts or something else. God forbid the events were on the same day at different locations. On a normal day we were probably all home by 6:30 - now somebody needed to make dinner. Their father and I would share in this responsibility - whomever had the most energy would prepare the dinner. As my job began to get busier and busier, their father eventually took over fixing dinner while I helped them with their homework while trying to do my homework from my job. By the time dinner was prepared it was almost time to begin preparation for the next day which included ensuring that all homework was completed, all school papers signed by me or their father, their baths were taken, and their clothes were ironed. We would do what we could do to squeeze in some quality time with the kids - you know, doing the stuff you were looking forward to doing as a parent - enjoying your kid. Then the weekend came - woo hoo! Housework, housework, and more housework. Running the kids to play dates with their friends or another scheduled extracurricular activity and again trying to squeeze in family time for everybody. Sunday was clothes washing day and there were always a lot of clothes to be washed, dried, folded or ironed, then put away. Sunday was usually the best day for finding family time together. Hmmm - I haven't said a thing about finding time for me and their father (my ex-husband). Now why did we divorce? I digress.
Just me as a single mom
Let's just put it this way, everything I said was handled above between two parents fell totally on me when I became a signal mom. Actually, it increased because spending time with them became even more important so that I could stay close to them emotionally while they both went through the terrible teen years. Their extra-curricular interest changed to events that sometimes involved everyday after school activities such as when my daughter was involved with drama programs in high school. She had practice every day when there was a need to prepare for an upcoming show. By this time we had a computer and they were on the internet - horrible time trying to keep up with what they were doing on the net - and I did intercept a couple of not so good situations. Not only was I trying to teach my daughter how to be a lady, I was left with the unfair to my son task of helping him explore what it means to be a man. Unfair because I believe it takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man - I focused on helping him define values that would make him proud to be a man.
The world had changed in the US whereas children could no longer be viewed as "seen and not heard". If you lost contact with your children you may have been at risk for loosing your child to some of the evils of the world - ok, so everything isn't always the best in the US - name a place where it is always the best. Here I was raising two children, working a full time busy job, and trying to finish up some of my education. As for a social life - few and far between.
Back to the point of the blog - I can't even imagine how I would handle all the things that I needed to handle as a single mom while helping my new husband assimilate into his new role in our family while he works to find his place in his new home and with me trying to do what I can to make it easy for him and minimize the impact of his presence on my children. WHEW! I should have entitled this one God bless the Parent who is trying to make all this happen!
Ibrahim and I are not even sure if we are going to be able to manage having a child in the busy life we plan to have together. If we do, I still think it will be a lot easier than for those of you who are blending a family. One thing we have agreed to is that it must be a shared responsibility to raise a child if we have one which means he must be involved in ways differently than how many men in Ghana are involved since, just like my first marriage, we both have to work and we will both probably be in school.
God Bless you all!
With their Father
My kids were fortunate through the first half of their childhood because they had the benefit of both a mom and dad living at home with them. Still - life was very hectic! Their father's job was as busy and time consuming as mine was and still is. It was not unusual for either of us to work past an 8 hour day, sometimes bringing work home, and maybe working on the weekends. I would say on average, per year, we both worked 50 hours or more a week - and we were not paid for overtime hours! Oh yeah - almost forgot, we had two kids to take care of during our long 100 hours of work each week. I am going to talk about life past the diapers and milk years - that time period is a novel all to itself.
Once they were both in school our mornings started out with me getting up first and preparing breakfast for the kids. Then the kids got up and I would make sure they were washed (they bathed at night - thank God) and dressed. While I combed my daughter's hair, their father prepared lunch and made sure book bags were ready. Somewhere in between getting them ready we found time to bathe ourselves, brush our teeth, and get dressed - maybe eat breakfast. At that time we only had one car so everybody piled into the one car and all the drop offs were made. We had to put the kids into after school care program because neither of us could leave work early enough to pick them up when school was over. Now after school care didn't play - you better get there before the end of the care period usually around 5:30 or you were going to be pay extra for every 5 minutes you were late. Twice a week one of them had an additional activity after 5:30 - karate class or Girl Scouts or something else. God forbid the events were on the same day at different locations. On a normal day we were probably all home by 6:30 - now somebody needed to make dinner. Their father and I would share in this responsibility - whomever had the most energy would prepare the dinner. As my job began to get busier and busier, their father eventually took over fixing dinner while I helped them with their homework while trying to do my homework from my job. By the time dinner was prepared it was almost time to begin preparation for the next day which included ensuring that all homework was completed, all school papers signed by me or their father, their baths were taken, and their clothes were ironed. We would do what we could do to squeeze in some quality time with the kids - you know, doing the stuff you were looking forward to doing as a parent - enjoying your kid. Then the weekend came - woo hoo! Housework, housework, and more housework. Running the kids to play dates with their friends or another scheduled extracurricular activity and again trying to squeeze in family time for everybody. Sunday was clothes washing day and there were always a lot of clothes to be washed, dried, folded or ironed, then put away. Sunday was usually the best day for finding family time together. Hmmm - I haven't said a thing about finding time for me and their father (my ex-husband). Now why did we divorce? I digress.
Just me as a single mom
Let's just put it this way, everything I said was handled above between two parents fell totally on me when I became a signal mom. Actually, it increased because spending time with them became even more important so that I could stay close to them emotionally while they both went through the terrible teen years. Their extra-curricular interest changed to events that sometimes involved everyday after school activities such as when my daughter was involved with drama programs in high school. She had practice every day when there was a need to prepare for an upcoming show. By this time we had a computer and they were on the internet - horrible time trying to keep up with what they were doing on the net - and I did intercept a couple of not so good situations. Not only was I trying to teach my daughter how to be a lady, I was left with the unfair to my son task of helping him explore what it means to be a man. Unfair because I believe it takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man - I focused on helping him define values that would make him proud to be a man.
The world had changed in the US whereas children could no longer be viewed as "seen and not heard". If you lost contact with your children you may have been at risk for loosing your child to some of the evils of the world - ok, so everything isn't always the best in the US - name a place where it is always the best. Here I was raising two children, working a full time busy job, and trying to finish up some of my education. As for a social life - few and far between.
Back to the point of the blog - I can't even imagine how I would handle all the things that I needed to handle as a single mom while helping my new husband assimilate into his new role in our family while he works to find his place in his new home and with me trying to do what I can to make it easy for him and minimize the impact of his presence on my children. WHEW! I should have entitled this one God bless the Parent who is trying to make all this happen!
Ibrahim and I are not even sure if we are going to be able to manage having a child in the busy life we plan to have together. If we do, I still think it will be a lot easier than for those of you who are blending a family. One thing we have agreed to is that it must be a shared responsibility to raise a child if we have one which means he must be involved in ways differently than how many men in Ghana are involved since, just like my first marriage, we both have to work and we will both probably be in school.
God Bless you all!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Husband - Head of the Household. What does that mean?
I had a conversation a few days ago with my best friend Alicia regarding some ideas we have been exploring about the work we would like to do in partnership with women in Ghana. The partnership we are hoping to create is one that would involve empowering women through advanced education. It was a wonderful conversation, lots of great ideas were generated. But then, I heard Alicia's brakes come to a screeching halt when I told her that there is one major issue that might be able a barrier to our mission - the perception held by some of our Ghanaian brothers and sisters of the role of women in addition to situations that appear to have the appearance of a caste system. "A caste system is a type of social structure which divides people on the basis of inherited social status." I told her of my observations of how some of the women who appeared to be in domestic service roles were treated with less respect than other women. There were other behaviors I observed that presented a difference in how women were treated when not a part of the immediate family with the mother of a family given the highest amount of respect. Regardless if it were the mother or a domestic service worker, men still assumed the highest position within a family in many respects.
It is not my intention to use this blog to analyze my limited view of women in Ghana. However, what my observations have suggested to me is that a discussion must be held with our husbands regarding what it means for them to be the Head of the Household. More specifically, what does it mean in relation to my role as a partner in my marriage. Are we really partners if one is the Head? What is your definition of the Head of the Household in comparison to your husband's definition? What influence or perspective will the role women play in Ghana have on your relationship?
If you are like me, you have been the "Head" of your household for many years. The buck started and stopped with you. You make all the major decisions as significant as where you should live or what type of car you should purchase down to should you buy margarine or butter. Does the "Head" of the household mean that your decisions can be over-ridden by your husband and he must approve every action? Does it mean you have to report to him on everywhere you go and everyone you talk to and he does not? My sisters, you won't really understand his perspective on how he views his role in your home if you don't explore it from a situation perspective. He might tell you that he views both of you as partners - don't assume his understanding of a partnership is the same as yours. I am not trying to say that he is attempting to mislead you, but, you have to remember that his orientation to relationships and partnerships is different than yours.
So, what if you and your husband have a clear agreement and understanding of the role each of you will play in the marriage and it does include expecting him to take sort of a more lead role (I'm trying to get use to even saying it - I got so much work to do!). I can see a need for an agreement on what he needs to learn about the management of the home before he can fully assume the role he might want to assume. Can you imagine how this action alone may emasculate him if we don't handle it in the right way? Our Ghanaian men are very proud men in their role as a husband and...head of the household (I can't believe how painful that really is for me to receive!). Anyway, when they first get here they may be at a lost for where to begin in their new role. I see our role as a wife being very, very important at this point. We have to make it our responsibility to shore them up in a way that doesn't not make them look or feel diminished in their new role because of the adjustment and learning curve they will have in the beginning. I think the more we can do to begin to educate them before they get here on what is involved in managing a US home the easier it will be. Some basic things include the management of a bank account because some of our men have never had to deal with a bank account since they tend to do most transactions in cash. Consider reviewing each of the household bills with them to help them understand how the billing systems work - I am making my own personal note to do this one with my husband. Send them a copy of a grocery receipt to begin to get them accustomed to what you spend on groceries and what you buy and why. How about US currency - are they familiar with it? You can find websites, like the following, to assist with understanding US currency
http://www.universitylanguage.com/guides/us-currency/ . How about sales tax and let's not forget income taxes? Are you going to have 3 bank accounts - his, mine, and ours or just ours?
Again, this is not about right or wrong - I am just saying you shouldn't assume that you both have the same idea of the role each will play in the household. Awww - don't forget to talk about housework!
It is not my intention to use this blog to analyze my limited view of women in Ghana. However, what my observations have suggested to me is that a discussion must be held with our husbands regarding what it means for them to be the Head of the Household. More specifically, what does it mean in relation to my role as a partner in my marriage. Are we really partners if one is the Head? What is your definition of the Head of the Household in comparison to your husband's definition? What influence or perspective will the role women play in Ghana have on your relationship?
If you are like me, you have been the "Head" of your household for many years. The buck started and stopped with you. You make all the major decisions as significant as where you should live or what type of car you should purchase down to should you buy margarine or butter. Does the "Head" of the household mean that your decisions can be over-ridden by your husband and he must approve every action? Does it mean you have to report to him on everywhere you go and everyone you talk to and he does not? My sisters, you won't really understand his perspective on how he views his role in your home if you don't explore it from a situation perspective. He might tell you that he views both of you as partners - don't assume his understanding of a partnership is the same as yours. I am not trying to say that he is attempting to mislead you, but, you have to remember that his orientation to relationships and partnerships is different than yours.
So, what if you and your husband have a clear agreement and understanding of the role each of you will play in the marriage and it does include expecting him to take sort of a more lead role (I'm trying to get use to even saying it - I got so much work to do!). I can see a need for an agreement on what he needs to learn about the management of the home before he can fully assume the role he might want to assume. Can you imagine how this action alone may emasculate him if we don't handle it in the right way? Our Ghanaian men are very proud men in their role as a husband and...head of the household (I can't believe how painful that really is for me to receive!). Anyway, when they first get here they may be at a lost for where to begin in their new role. I see our role as a wife being very, very important at this point. We have to make it our responsibility to shore them up in a way that doesn't not make them look or feel diminished in their new role because of the adjustment and learning curve they will have in the beginning. I think the more we can do to begin to educate them before they get here on what is involved in managing a US home the easier it will be. Some basic things include the management of a bank account because some of our men have never had to deal with a bank account since they tend to do most transactions in cash. Consider reviewing each of the household bills with them to help them understand how the billing systems work - I am making my own personal note to do this one with my husband. Send them a copy of a grocery receipt to begin to get them accustomed to what you spend on groceries and what you buy and why. How about US currency - are they familiar with it? You can find websites, like the following, to assist with understanding US currency
http://www.universitylanguage.com/guides/us-currency/ . How about sales tax and let's not forget income taxes? Are you going to have 3 bank accounts - his, mine, and ours or just ours?
Again, this is not about right or wrong - I am just saying you shouldn't assume that you both have the same idea of the role each will play in the household. Awww - don't forget to talk about housework!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Topic by Request: What should we do while waiting for our spouses to arrive from Ghana?
To my sisters whose husbands/fiances have safely arrived to the US or soon to arrived, let me say congratulations and Welcome to the US! The same is extended to wives who have recently arrived or will soon arrive to the US - we sometimes forget that it is not only American women who have found love in Ghana. I hope you will all keep us posted on your progress by sharing your lessons in love within an inter-cultural relationship. Now for the rest of us Ladies or Gentlemen in Waiting - how should we be spending our time through this long visa journey?
The first obvious response to that question is that how we spend our time is personal to each of us. The problem is that we sometimes spend so much of that time missing, worrying, feeling lonely, and/or sometimes confused. This doesn't mean we don't feel loved - but, these other feelings put us at risk of loosing our focus on what really matters when we allow these negative empty feelings to dwell longer, and become more powerful, in our lives than they should.
I was asked to start this topic because of a husband who is concerned about his wife managing emotionally through the journey. Just yesterday I was giving in a little to the emotional strain of my separation from my husband. Being the wise and intuitive man that he is (translation - he knows his wife well) in our conversation yesterday evening he could tell I was having "a separation anxiety moment". Hmmm - let me think about that a minute. Was it his intuitiveness that revealed my state of mind or was it the sniffling sounds on my end of the phone accompanied by the baby like voice that just seems to appear whenever I am having "a separation anxiety moment"? Anyway, he said the words that are guaranteed to snap me out of my moment almost every time. He said "baby, I worry about you when you get like this, I feel so helpless to do anything for you" - Whoa! The last thing I ever want to do is to worry my husband and put him in a state of helplessness! That is so unacceptable to me. All of a sudden I feel like a wimp and a punk. Then he said the words that without any doubt or consideration will always heal my ailing soul, he said "I love you" then gave me a very big kiss over the phone line while he was talking to me outside of his home - that's right, a public display of affection! What was there left for me to do but Woman-Up and get back to the business of living my life as I need to do and he expects me to do. Since this is my blog I am going to share with you what I have been doing while waiting for my husband (3 years now) to arrive to the US. Maybe some of my approaches will stir up ideas for others.
Inventory
When I speak of Inventory, I am referring to the process of taking stock of what is and should remain, then eliminating what no longer has purpose for my new life with my husband. This inventory includes both material things and emotional. I'm not sure which one had the most clutter - material or emotional. Every week, sometimes daily, I identify more clutter to sort through. I thought the material aspect would be the easiest to manage - you know the drill, pull out of the stuff in a closet so that you can make space for your husband; sort through it; pick out the stuff you haven't used or touched in two years or more; dispose of the unused items. As you begin to sort through all the stuff, your hidden treasures, the memories of each item begins to flood your mind. There is story associated with every piece of stuff that you moved to the dispose of stack. Then the walk down memory lane begins and slowly you begin convincing yourself why you should keep some of the stuff a little longer. You figure that if you just reorganize the closet in a more efficient manner, you can keep some of the stuff plus make room for your husband. So, you start reorganizing and shifting things around. At the end, you have a very neatly arranged closet including some of your old stuff, and, what's this - there is a little corner left for your husband to store some of his stuff. Mission accomplished! Who are we kidding with this exercise in futility? I have a closet in my guess room that I am about to inventory for the 5th time - especially since I opened the closet door the other day after reaching my arm inside of the closet to move some stuff around so that I could easily open it then was shocked to see the stuff that fell out of the closet when I finally got the door open. It's a work in progress. Just like my emotional closet.
Yes, I have done the same type of inventory on my emotions and habits I have developed over the years. Just like my closet, in an attempt to dispose of them, I will start sorting out the things in my mind that I know are detrimental to a strong marriage - you know, stuff like jealousy, etc. Just my closet, my mind will sometimes start justifying why I need to keep some of those habits and emotions because of what they have meant to me in the past or have protected my other emotions. So I begin the process of trying to re-categorize them in my mind in a way that justifies their existence only to realize that I have left only a small space for my husband to be properly loved in my life - a work in progress. Just like my closet, I realize that sometimes I have to take one item at a time and deal with it. The one thing I have available to me is time - I don't think I would be able to properly perform this type of Inventory if my husband was here, so, I am using my time wisely to prepare for him through my Inventory processes. I must say, I have made some wonderful progress.
Service
What better way to spend your time than in service of others. As a person who has had my share of dealing with chemically caused depression, service is a type of therapy with a purpose that I realized years ago. I am sure many of you are already active in serving others. I am just sharing the other benefits of serving others within your passion. Serving within your passion means identifying what you enjoy doing. What is one thing that makes you feel good about you that you would do at no cost for someone else? I know what my one thing is and I keep myself open for opportunities to share it with others whenever I can. In some cases, I create the opportunity to share my one thing with others. Serving within my passion has strengthened my spirit in an abundant way. My decision to serve within my passion has lead me to begin planning for a potential larger mission designed to serve a larger population.
Physical Improvement
Need I say more here. We all know that there are things in our physical appearance or health that could use some attention. When was the last time you went to the dentist or had an overall physical exam? Years ago I was diagnosed with have a little elevated blood pressure - dang! Over the years I had been reckless with taking my medicine. Since being married I stopped that nonsense - my husband wants to find me here healthy and happy. I am not a slender woman and don't really have an interest in being thin. However, for the purpose of my health and how I want to feel in my clothes I want to drop some of my weight. Here's the interesting thing, I was able to get that process started by joining my husband in fasting during Ramadan. Loss about 20 pounds and have only gained back about 3 - which I have recently loss during my Lent fasting. Fasting has done so much for me both physically and spiritually - it is a gift that I will keep in my life and look forward to doing at least twice a year.
My point in this entire discussion is that we have been given a beautiful gift of time and we received it for a purpose. If we spend that gift in the land of sadness and sorrow we have squandered our gift. Are we going to have moments of sadness - absolutely; it is expected because we are in love and desire being with the one we love. Speaking as a wife, I realize that I must be mindful and careful with the pressure I put on my husband. He is going through the separation with me and he misses me as much as I miss him - he just doesn't do the baby whine and sniffles. As my husband, he sees his role as my protector and wants to do whatever he can to keep me safe and happy. Unfortunately, our situation has limited what he can do for me in that respect - something that causes him stress at times. He reminds me to remember the blessings we do have and to celebrate those blessings everyday as opposed to dwelling on what we don't have.
That's my strategy. Open to more ideas.
The first obvious response to that question is that how we spend our time is personal to each of us. The problem is that we sometimes spend so much of that time missing, worrying, feeling lonely, and/or sometimes confused. This doesn't mean we don't feel loved - but, these other feelings put us at risk of loosing our focus on what really matters when we allow these negative empty feelings to dwell longer, and become more powerful, in our lives than they should.
I was asked to start this topic because of a husband who is concerned about his wife managing emotionally through the journey. Just yesterday I was giving in a little to the emotional strain of my separation from my husband. Being the wise and intuitive man that he is (translation - he knows his wife well) in our conversation yesterday evening he could tell I was having "a separation anxiety moment". Hmmm - let me think about that a minute. Was it his intuitiveness that revealed my state of mind or was it the sniffling sounds on my end of the phone accompanied by the baby like voice that just seems to appear whenever I am having "a separation anxiety moment"? Anyway, he said the words that are guaranteed to snap me out of my moment almost every time. He said "baby, I worry about you when you get like this, I feel so helpless to do anything for you" - Whoa! The last thing I ever want to do is to worry my husband and put him in a state of helplessness! That is so unacceptable to me. All of a sudden I feel like a wimp and a punk. Then he said the words that without any doubt or consideration will always heal my ailing soul, he said "I love you" then gave me a very big kiss over the phone line while he was talking to me outside of his home - that's right, a public display of affection! What was there left for me to do but Woman-Up and get back to the business of living my life as I need to do and he expects me to do. Since this is my blog I am going to share with you what I have been doing while waiting for my husband (3 years now) to arrive to the US. Maybe some of my approaches will stir up ideas for others.
Inventory
When I speak of Inventory, I am referring to the process of taking stock of what is and should remain, then eliminating what no longer has purpose for my new life with my husband. This inventory includes both material things and emotional. I'm not sure which one had the most clutter - material or emotional. Every week, sometimes daily, I identify more clutter to sort through. I thought the material aspect would be the easiest to manage - you know the drill, pull out of the stuff in a closet so that you can make space for your husband; sort through it; pick out the stuff you haven't used or touched in two years or more; dispose of the unused items. As you begin to sort through all the stuff, your hidden treasures, the memories of each item begins to flood your mind. There is story associated with every piece of stuff that you moved to the dispose of stack. Then the walk down memory lane begins and slowly you begin convincing yourself why you should keep some of the stuff a little longer. You figure that if you just reorganize the closet in a more efficient manner, you can keep some of the stuff plus make room for your husband. So, you start reorganizing and shifting things around. At the end, you have a very neatly arranged closet including some of your old stuff, and, what's this - there is a little corner left for your husband to store some of his stuff. Mission accomplished! Who are we kidding with this exercise in futility? I have a closet in my guess room that I am about to inventory for the 5th time - especially since I opened the closet door the other day after reaching my arm inside of the closet to move some stuff around so that I could easily open it then was shocked to see the stuff that fell out of the closet when I finally got the door open. It's a work in progress. Just like my emotional closet.
Yes, I have done the same type of inventory on my emotions and habits I have developed over the years. Just like my closet, in an attempt to dispose of them, I will start sorting out the things in my mind that I know are detrimental to a strong marriage - you know, stuff like jealousy, etc. Just my closet, my mind will sometimes start justifying why I need to keep some of those habits and emotions because of what they have meant to me in the past or have protected my other emotions. So I begin the process of trying to re-categorize them in my mind in a way that justifies their existence only to realize that I have left only a small space for my husband to be properly loved in my life - a work in progress. Just like my closet, I realize that sometimes I have to take one item at a time and deal with it. The one thing I have available to me is time - I don't think I would be able to properly perform this type of Inventory if my husband was here, so, I am using my time wisely to prepare for him through my Inventory processes. I must say, I have made some wonderful progress.
Service
What better way to spend your time than in service of others. As a person who has had my share of dealing with chemically caused depression, service is a type of therapy with a purpose that I realized years ago. I am sure many of you are already active in serving others. I am just sharing the other benefits of serving others within your passion. Serving within your passion means identifying what you enjoy doing. What is one thing that makes you feel good about you that you would do at no cost for someone else? I know what my one thing is and I keep myself open for opportunities to share it with others whenever I can. In some cases, I create the opportunity to share my one thing with others. Serving within my passion has strengthened my spirit in an abundant way. My decision to serve within my passion has lead me to begin planning for a potential larger mission designed to serve a larger population.
Physical Improvement
Need I say more here. We all know that there are things in our physical appearance or health that could use some attention. When was the last time you went to the dentist or had an overall physical exam? Years ago I was diagnosed with have a little elevated blood pressure - dang! Over the years I had been reckless with taking my medicine. Since being married I stopped that nonsense - my husband wants to find me here healthy and happy. I am not a slender woman and don't really have an interest in being thin. However, for the purpose of my health and how I want to feel in my clothes I want to drop some of my weight. Here's the interesting thing, I was able to get that process started by joining my husband in fasting during Ramadan. Loss about 20 pounds and have only gained back about 3 - which I have recently loss during my Lent fasting. Fasting has done so much for me both physically and spiritually - it is a gift that I will keep in my life and look forward to doing at least twice a year.
My point in this entire discussion is that we have been given a beautiful gift of time and we received it for a purpose. If we spend that gift in the land of sadness and sorrow we have squandered our gift. Are we going to have moments of sadness - absolutely; it is expected because we are in love and desire being with the one we love. Speaking as a wife, I realize that I must be mindful and careful with the pressure I put on my husband. He is going through the separation with me and he misses me as much as I miss him - he just doesn't do the baby whine and sniffles. As my husband, he sees his role as my protector and wants to do whatever he can to keep me safe and happy. Unfortunately, our situation has limited what he can do for me in that respect - something that causes him stress at times. He reminds me to remember the blessings we do have and to celebrate those blessings everyday as opposed to dwelling on what we don't have.
That's my strategy. Open to more ideas.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Returning the love to Ghana
Greetings My Dear Sweet Sisters,
Have you ever given thought to what we have done to our beautiful Ghana that we love so much when we remove one of its strongest trees - our men? Of course the removal was not done out of maliciousness - for we would never do anything to intentionally harm our beautiful Ghana whom we love so much. We were not alone in the process of our removal - for the tree embraced us and God blessed us. But, do you ever think about what affect this removal has on the foundation of Ghana or how the sisters in Ghana may feel to see another one of their trees, with branches that can support and comfort them, become uprooted and non-replaced. We have seen the affects the removal and non-replacement of trees have had on forests around the world. No offense to my Caucasian sisters, but, I know how the African American sisters feel every time one of our strong trees lands in the yard of another "white girl".
So why do I think this is a relevant topic? Am I not also a tree remover which I have celebrated over and over again in this blog and in any other situation where someone will listen to me swooning over my beloved husband Ibrahim? I know that a big advantage of our husbands joining us in the US is the opportunity to achieve and sustain a stronger economic situation that will position them to support both their family in the US along with their family in Ghana. Hopefully, their successes with be helping some new seeds to grow and thrive in Ghana. But what about us, my sisters, what are we going to do to replace replace the tree that we have up-rooted?
Today I had a spiritually enriching experience that brought me back to my original purpose for visiting Ghana. I was blessed with an opportunity to be in the presence of about 10 spiritually enlightened women who were gathered for the purpose of discovering what more God wanted from them in their service of Him. In our society we would view these women as successful for each was thriving in a professional career that could only have occurred through years of education. One sister was a Clinical Psychologist, most were health care professionals and just about all of them were educated as ministers. The home where the meeting took place belonged to two of the women who were cousins. Their home had to be upward of 3000 square feet - just gorgeous. These women were humble in their economic accomplishments in the world. But they were vocal and proud in their spiritual relationship with God. Their voices were strong and clear as they spoke their testimonies. When they sang it was like heaven had truly anointed their voices with the power of angels. It was in the midst of their singing that God reminded me of my purpose for visiting Ghana by sending me a visual reminder of what I saw in Ghana. As I listened to the angelic voices that graced the beautiful home where we met, I realized what I was a witness to in Ghana. I met and saw women whose voices were silenced because they were women. My reference to voice means living a life within your passion that has been revealed and is thriving.
I remember seeing so many women working what seemed to be 7 days a week from sun up to sun down - some with their babies on their backs. I am not referring to the rural areas - this is in the city of Accra. Their faces seemed warn with the realities of their life - their lips appeared closed tightly in a non-smiling manner. I remember seeing some of the same ladies late at night sleeping with their children in some of the most obscure places. I remember the young and older women in the house where I stayed - they seemed to work from sun up to sun down without a moment spent on joy. I couldn't wait for the day I was able to take them out on a shopping excursion. Even then they worked as the big strong men who accompanied us would turn over the bags with my purchases to these small but strong women to carry - now you know I corrected that situation immediately - no offense to the cultures, just some things I couldn't sit back and watch. I saw hard working, industrious women managing their own businesses - but still they seemed to have no voice. I remember one night waking up abruptly from the sounds of a thunder storm. The storm outside woke me up, but, it was the memory of my beautiful black sisters I saw over the last day that was tugging at my heart - and I wept while sitting in the safe comfort of my room in the loving home where I stayed during my 2 week vacation.
I must add that I also saw and met women who did have a voice. I met two dynamic Ghanaian women who created and managed successful schools. I established a strong bond with another sister who had a dress making business managed in her home and to my joy upon my second visit I found her in her own dress shop. One of my sister-in-laws is in the military studying to be a doctor. But even these women at times find their voices quieted in the presence of men.
Several times in this blog I have mentioned my purpose for my initial travel to Ghana in 2008. That purpose was to understand what life was like for my sisters in Ghana. My vacation was scheduled for two weeks. I have already told you about my second week - God presented me with and to Ibrahim - the man who was to be and now is my husband. You now have a glimpse into my second week.
If you haven't figured out yet, my tree replacement act that I would like to fulfill is being an active participant in the process of helping one or more women in Ghana find their voice and the confidence to share it with the beautiful angelic fervor of the women I met today. Ghana has very bright future ahead as a potentially fast developing country from an economic perspective. More and more businesses are becoming interested in Ghana - I want my sisters in Ghana to be ready for the day ahead of them, not left behind. I don't know how or when but this is my commitment to my sisters I have met and left behind in Ghana. I begin with praying that their voices are revealed and that the men in Ghana who understand the need for this voice to be heard provide them with the encouragement and support needed to carry that voice far and wide.
What are you going to do to enrich Ghana after Ghana has given so much to you?
Have you ever given thought to what we have done to our beautiful Ghana that we love so much when we remove one of its strongest trees - our men? Of course the removal was not done out of maliciousness - for we would never do anything to intentionally harm our beautiful Ghana whom we love so much. We were not alone in the process of our removal - for the tree embraced us and God blessed us. But, do you ever think about what affect this removal has on the foundation of Ghana or how the sisters in Ghana may feel to see another one of their trees, with branches that can support and comfort them, become uprooted and non-replaced. We have seen the affects the removal and non-replacement of trees have had on forests around the world. No offense to my Caucasian sisters, but, I know how the African American sisters feel every time one of our strong trees lands in the yard of another "white girl".
So why do I think this is a relevant topic? Am I not also a tree remover which I have celebrated over and over again in this blog and in any other situation where someone will listen to me swooning over my beloved husband Ibrahim? I know that a big advantage of our husbands joining us in the US is the opportunity to achieve and sustain a stronger economic situation that will position them to support both their family in the US along with their family in Ghana. Hopefully, their successes with be helping some new seeds to grow and thrive in Ghana. But what about us, my sisters, what are we going to do to replace replace the tree that we have up-rooted?
Today I had a spiritually enriching experience that brought me back to my original purpose for visiting Ghana. I was blessed with an opportunity to be in the presence of about 10 spiritually enlightened women who were gathered for the purpose of discovering what more God wanted from them in their service of Him. In our society we would view these women as successful for each was thriving in a professional career that could only have occurred through years of education. One sister was a Clinical Psychologist, most were health care professionals and just about all of them were educated as ministers. The home where the meeting took place belonged to two of the women who were cousins. Their home had to be upward of 3000 square feet - just gorgeous. These women were humble in their economic accomplishments in the world. But they were vocal and proud in their spiritual relationship with God. Their voices were strong and clear as they spoke their testimonies. When they sang it was like heaven had truly anointed their voices with the power of angels. It was in the midst of their singing that God reminded me of my purpose for visiting Ghana by sending me a visual reminder of what I saw in Ghana. As I listened to the angelic voices that graced the beautiful home where we met, I realized what I was a witness to in Ghana. I met and saw women whose voices were silenced because they were women. My reference to voice means living a life within your passion that has been revealed and is thriving.
I remember seeing so many women working what seemed to be 7 days a week from sun up to sun down - some with their babies on their backs. I am not referring to the rural areas - this is in the city of Accra. Their faces seemed warn with the realities of their life - their lips appeared closed tightly in a non-smiling manner. I remember seeing some of the same ladies late at night sleeping with their children in some of the most obscure places. I remember the young and older women in the house where I stayed - they seemed to work from sun up to sun down without a moment spent on joy. I couldn't wait for the day I was able to take them out on a shopping excursion. Even then they worked as the big strong men who accompanied us would turn over the bags with my purchases to these small but strong women to carry - now you know I corrected that situation immediately - no offense to the cultures, just some things I couldn't sit back and watch. I saw hard working, industrious women managing their own businesses - but still they seemed to have no voice. I remember one night waking up abruptly from the sounds of a thunder storm. The storm outside woke me up, but, it was the memory of my beautiful black sisters I saw over the last day that was tugging at my heart - and I wept while sitting in the safe comfort of my room in the loving home where I stayed during my 2 week vacation.
I must add that I also saw and met women who did have a voice. I met two dynamic Ghanaian women who created and managed successful schools. I established a strong bond with another sister who had a dress making business managed in her home and to my joy upon my second visit I found her in her own dress shop. One of my sister-in-laws is in the military studying to be a doctor. But even these women at times find their voices quieted in the presence of men.
Several times in this blog I have mentioned my purpose for my initial travel to Ghana in 2008. That purpose was to understand what life was like for my sisters in Ghana. My vacation was scheduled for two weeks. I have already told you about my second week - God presented me with and to Ibrahim - the man who was to be and now is my husband. You now have a glimpse into my second week.
If you haven't figured out yet, my tree replacement act that I would like to fulfill is being an active participant in the process of helping one or more women in Ghana find their voice and the confidence to share it with the beautiful angelic fervor of the women I met today. Ghana has very bright future ahead as a potentially fast developing country from an economic perspective. More and more businesses are becoming interested in Ghana - I want my sisters in Ghana to be ready for the day ahead of them, not left behind. I don't know how or when but this is my commitment to my sisters I have met and left behind in Ghana. I begin with praying that their voices are revealed and that the men in Ghana who understand the need for this voice to be heard provide them with the encouragement and support needed to carry that voice far and wide.
What are you going to do to enrich Ghana after Ghana has given so much to you?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Do you remember the first time you said goodbye to your husband at the airport?
That is one memory that will never leave my mind, and it was actually worse the second time. I believe I cried all the way across the ocean, into the night after getting home, and at least for a week. Talk about Cry Me A River! The empty space beside me in the bed, in the car, while walking through a mall became more obvious and pronounced. My heart felt like it had been cut in half with the other half so many miles away. I found myself reaching out for his hand and finding no hand responding to mine. After being able to see his face, his eyes, his smile, hear his voice, his laughter, returning to chatting on line lost its luster for awhile. Looking over and over and over the hundreds of pictures we took together - seeing my beautiful Ghana. Wrapping myself up at night in his shirt that he gave me - his sweet scent so prevalent in the material.
I have never loved this way before. I will proudly be what he needs me to be as his wife because he is worthy of it, of me. I will always remember the first time and every time I have said goodbye to my husband at the airport - with that image in mind, I will thank God for every year, every day, every minute, every second, and every moment we have together as man and wife.
I have never loved this way before. I will proudly be what he needs me to be as his wife because he is worthy of it, of me. I will always remember the first time and every time I have said goodbye to my husband at the airport - with that image in mind, I will thank God for every year, every day, every minute, every second, and every moment we have together as man and wife.
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